There is one word in your sexual vocabulary that has so much power it ought to come with a license to use it. That word is Yes! If you said Yes to relationships starting with sex, you had a very powerful beginning. But how you steer it from here on is what makes all the difference in its future success.
Yes. Oh, Yes. Yes is so strong a word that it can be a sentence all by itself. It has so much meaning it is a one-word paragraph. If you started your relationship with sex, then there is no point about wondering if it was the right move – it’s done. You said yes! It can be a very powerful beginning because saying yes in life is powerful and leads to great sex. Celebrate the fact that you said yes to love, and don’t spend another moment feeling guilty or doubting yourself.
You said “yes” and you need to find your choice right. Yes is a word we all use. At least we all use the same three letters, but it probably has different meanings to each of us. Few of us use it to its maximum potential. Yes is not just the opposite of No. In fact when it comes to sex, I will show you how No is just an aspect or spectrum of Yes. But Yes! in all its glory is such a juicy word we don’t want to miss out on one drop of pleasure! So let’s have a long drink of Yes!
Relationships starting with sex began with both of you saying yes. Yes! is the key to the state of grace of receiving. Because when you are in a “Yes!” state-of-mind you are open to possibility. Yes! is the essence of affirmation. Because being in a Yes vibration puts you in agreement with the All That Is. It is the secret to bliss. Feeling the flow of Yes! puts you into a state of surrender and serenity.
Now you want to learn how to take this spiritual act of saying yes to a new level. When you really say yes to something, a state of consciousness is triggered by this act of agreement. Saying or feeling the word fully in every cell of your body is so powerful it transcends the moment in which it is uttered. Yes! is a form of energy which once created exists for all time. This may sound “out there “ to some – but keep reading!
When you fully embrace the energy of “yes,” it sends great energetic-love waves into the universe and echoes for all eternity. Think of it as a song that echoes for all time. This is because to say Yes! to any one instant is to set in motion the frequency of Yes forever. Before we explain how saying Yes! to any one moment is to say Yes to all that is -- we need to talk about another very important word.
In order to have a healthy sexual relationship you need to own your power of saying no, just as strongly as you need to own your power of yes and agreement.
When it comes to your love life you should never say yes when it isn’t how you feel. It is too powerful a word to misuse. Saying “Yes” when you mean “No” is a very bad idea. You should never do anything you don’t want to do. Relationships starting with sex should always be mutual. Doing something sexual that you don’t want to do is not a winning strategy. It leads to resentment. It creates two victims. You are the first victim because you don’t get what you want, and you give up your power. And second is your unsuspecting partner because you lure them into the “You’re the villain!” trap without them knowing they’ve been cast in the part with the big black hat.
Saying yes when you mean no is the opposite of the Energy of Orgasm. This false-to-feeling event creates an emotional-energetic logjam. If you are not able to say “No,” when you need to, then your “Yes” isn’t meaningful. Your “Yes” is genuine only because you have the equal ability to say “No.”
If saying no is a challenge for you, then relationships starting with sex is a bad idea. You may need to spend some time giving yourself permission to say “no.” If you weren’t able to say no when you needed to sexually, you will feel your sexual power diminished. Don’t worry. This is a wound you can heal. Diminished Sexual Power is like a muscle that got weak through insufficient or unsacred use. Using your “No” muscle makes it stronger, and if it is weak for you, you are going to need to build up your personal sense of No power.
So, welcome to your second childhood in the terrible two’s, when the answer to everything was No! Prepare the important people around you about what you are doing, because it ain’t pretty when you start telling the truth if you haven’t been fully honest for awhile. This “No-rebuilding” step is a necessary developmental stage in experiencing control over your own body. And that little thing called your destiny. Relationships starting with sex only work when both people claim their full power to say either “yes” or “no.”
So whatever decade you’re in (thirty-two, forty-two, sixty-two whatever – go have yourself a wonderfully terrible NO! time!) And please, take as long as you need! Saying NO! when you mean No strengthens your yes -- because when you have a choice then your yes is more genuine. If you are someone who needs to practice your NO! muscle, turn it into a game with your partner in which it is a playful halt of action that is always honored by your partner. But don’t stop there. See if you (not your partner but you internally) can move along the spectrum of experience from NO to Yes. What would it take to help you turn that “No” into a Yes?” A softer touch? A slower hand? A sweeter word? A gentler tongue? Explore your No-Power as a fun short stop on the playful journey of pleasure co-creation.
In relationships starting with sex, remember this tip: Never Do Anything You Don’t Want to Do!
Saying “No” is a powerful experience. It can become a fun game, if both people respect the journey toward “yes.” It can be fun to have a gradual peeling away of layers of resistance. It is the Art of No as a striptease to deeper and deeper layers of sensual surrender. Here is what we mean. You can just toss off your clothes (which is a fine thing to do!) or you can tease and tantalize out of your clothes (which is a very, very fine thing to do.)
Relationships starting with sex can really have fun with this tease-and-chase game if the energy of nooooo. (It is spoken with a flirtatious upward lilting tone in your voice, a sparkle in your eye, and wet lips parting.) This noooo is an invitation to The Chase.
In this case when the “Yes equals Go” and the “No equals Stop” there is a zen-like twist where No can transform into Yes! This naughty and primal noooo means, “I say no, but I mean yes, but you have to earn Yes by doing everything the way I really like it until you overpower my No with the sensational desire of your Yes.” Put simply, “Seduce me!”
Noooo is the foreplay equivalent of the chase which all children and animals know and love. Relationships starting with sex in the hands of masterful seducers can become a delightful game of allowing “no” to transform into “yes” over time.
Notice if you feel you are comfortable saying “yes” or “no” with equal ease. If not, practice saying “Yes!” or “No!” to little moments that don’t have a lot of charge to them.
It can be really interesting to notice what you are saying No! to in your life. How do those areas of your life feel? Notice the difference between how you feel when you say yes versus when you say no. Are there some areas where it would be more fun if you switched your Yes answers to No answers and your No answers to Yes answers? Play with switching them at will. This helps strengthen your yes and no muscles by showing you that you have a choice instead of believing that it is circumstances that “make” you feel one way or the other.
Sometimes relationships starting with sex skip this step of enjoying the process of “no becoming yes,” and so you need to reassert your sense of choice to find balance. We hope you fully enjoy the ride you are taking!
"I love you!"
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