The good news is you already are a truly passionate person. You don’t have to go and “get” passion. It’s already inside you. If you’re feeling beaten down it may feel like you’ve lost touch with your passion. It may be dormant. It may be buried. But it is there.
If it hurts to think about “not having access to your passion” it’s because you know it’s in there. The truth is that you are passionate. Although you can lose touch with your passion, you can’t lose what is your nature. Sex and healthy relationships go together.
What pleases you leads you to who you are. It is your authentic self. Allowing your passion is simply another way of allowing you to be more you. It is the underlying meaning of Joseph Campbell’s great advice to “follow your bliss.” This is why allowing your passion and following your passion is a spiritual path. Following your passion leads you to wholeness. Because it leads you to what is authentic about you. You can fake politeness by smiling at someone you don’t like. But with sex and healthy relationships you can’t fake passion. That’s what’s so wonderful about it. It’s real.
Some people are afraid of their passion because they think it will rock their world. They think if they awaken it, like Pandora’s box, it will be uncontrollable. They’re afraid they’ll stop going to work, or stop doing the laundry, or stop being monogamous, or create chaos with everyone’s expectations of them. They’re afraid their passion will knock down whatever house of cards they built a long time ago.
If you were hoping that we would promise you that you could awaken your passion and maintain control-freak order over your life – I’m sorry. Passion and pretense are opposites, so putting your passion first can get things moving and may make it harder to be and do what is less than authentic for you. The parts of your life that are on auto pilot may have a bit of a crash landing, but this is usually a temporary phase.
The reward for being willing to allow your passion more into your world is to live the life of your destiny. You are going to become more you. Sex and healthy relationships naturally go together. Is any lesser life worth living?
And it is possible, however, to take a gentle approach to awakening. Your “Passion Recovery Plan” can still involve kindness to yourself and to those who depend on you. You can move at a pace that is harmonious.
The first step in awakening your passion is to take all the pressure off by deciding not to take any specific outer action. This is all going to be an internal inside job. Nobody even needs to know what you are doing.
A part of this first step is the mental process of being willing to awaken your passion without overly triggering the emotions by contemplating any plan of action. Thinking about passion-actions takes you too far into the future. We just want to stay right here now. We are just honoring the fact that there is passion inside you, ready to wake up.
Just give yourself permission to awaken your passion with the Sleeping Beauty gentle wake-up mental kiss. Remember, you can have passion in any area of your life. That is a good step towards allowing yourself sexual passion. If you like to write things down, make a list of the things you are passionate about. This is your personal list that will increase the pleasure of sex and healthy relationships.
Next we are going to honor the feelings of passion that begin to stir when we own our passions by making them conscious. We are still not contemplating any action, or at least not taking any of the actions that are beginning to rumble in our brain. It’s as if we just got our “learner's permit to passion” and we are not going to let it go driving off without supervision.
We are simply acknowledging and enjoying the feelings of passion that are crackling inside. We are validating the feelings. These are your real feelings. They are true.
Next we want to use the same process with sexual passion. Using your imagination, begin to see yourself as a fully-sexually passionate person. How will you look? What will you wear? How will you behave? What will you say and do?
See yourself in your mind’s eye as a person whose passion is fully awake. What would you do differently if your passion was totally turned on? Let up a little hungry, selfish “I want what I want when I want it!” energy.
Imagine if you had five love-slaves-in-training whose only desire was to truly please you. What would you teach them to do to you? What would you do with them? Run it through in your mind exactly the way you would you do it.
Normally, in polite society, we try to hide or curb our appetite. In your realm of the senses, (in your magnificent private mind), allow your passion to ignite more fully by seeing yourself behaving as this passionate person. Rehearsing it in your mind is a great way to get the passion juices going.
Next we want to take action. You want to act passionately. This might be flirting more overtly with someone – taking a chance you haven’t been willing to take before. Do something juicy and slightly dangerous to the status quo of your world.
If you have a partner, share something about your “secret passionate self” with your partner. It doesn’t have to be everything in your mental treasure chest. In fact save some details that you feel are too private. But pick something to share about who you are as a passionate person, about “your Sleeping Beauty passion,” with your partner.
Talk about your passionate desires. Ask them to tell you what they would do with their love-slaves. Choose an action from one of your fantasies that pleases both of you and make it real by doing it together. This will add a new layer of intimacy to sex and a healthy relationship.
You need to give yourself permission to live with your passion as part of your daily life. We need to cultivate this like our personal garden of life. You have a right to your passion, but don’t wait for anyone else to give you this freedom, you need to assert it for yourself. Remember, sex and healthy relationships go together.
If you are a person who likes to work with affirmations, which are positive self-talk that help focus your brain in ways that support good behavior, you can try this one, or any one that works for you: “I Act Passionately.” “My Passion is Real.” The sex the in relationship is great! Or make up your own! Take mental dips into these delicious thoughts. They will tune up your brain and prepare you to be ready to feel more pleasure in your life, and better sex in your relationship!
"I love you!"
Those are the three words we most want to hear.
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