Are you sending women the right signals? When you first meet a woman she will often form impressions and make instant decisions about you. She might be right or wrong in her conclusions, but chances are she has formed an impression in her mind in less than ten seconds that is going to affect the way she perceives you.
So how are you coming across to women? Are you sending the right signals?How are you perceived in that critical first impression? Do strangers understand your intentions or does she feel confused by your mixed messages? What information are you communicating, even before you have said your first word?
Some of this incoming information is visual, as in what you are wearing, your hygiene or neatness, and other details about your appearance. Such things as your speed of speaking, volume and clarity of your words will impress your first time listener.
What you say is not nearly as important as how you say it. A small percentage of the information they use to instantly form an opinion about you, about 7-10%, will be based on your actual choice of words. This means that much more, about 90%, is perceptual. This much more unconscious and automatic data will be derived from your body language, your mood, and “energy.” These are just some of the non-verbal communication signals you are sending.
In just a few seconds your new acquaintance or business associate will draw conclusions about your confidence level, commitment, level of assertiveness, friendliness, authority, and your trustworthiness. It is for this reason that you want to take a good honest look at how you are perceived in the first moments of contact with a new woman. You want to make sure you send the right signals.
When we explain to new clients about how quickly women form conclusions, men are at first shocked. They feel defeated by the fact that so few women they encounter really give them a chance to be seen for who they really are when you first meet.
Although it is a fact that women form quick and not easily shaken first impressions, the good news is that we can learn to use this inevitability to our advantage. We can take an honest look at the signals we are sending to women, and we can make choices about what exactly it is we want women to sense from us in those important first few moments - the right signals.
Relationship Coaching clients are always amazed that the signals they are sending to others are very different from their self-perceived messages. Women often tell me that men are not responding to them in romantic ways, and when I look at the signals they are sending, it is clear that what they thought were green lights, are really yellow (mixed messages) or worse, red, for stay away.
Once they learn how confusing their body language or “boditude” is, they can begin to align their signals with what they truly want to attract.
We also hear often from women clients who complain that men are constantly viewing them as potential sexual partners when that is not their intention at all.
Once you learn what messages or signals you are sending, you can begin to shift to a different attraction strategy that brings the right kind of attention, which is what you really want.
It isn’t always easy for single men to navigate first or brief encounters. They say they are looking to meet someone, and yet they miss the (often subtler) signals of interest women are sending them. I often see men and women at social gatherings missing opportunities to connect. It is sad to see this.
Attraction is an energy field, and as such has certain definable laws or principles that can be learned and even mastered. Even shy people can learn to harness this natural power of attraction. We are always attracting or repelling others.
We need to be able to accurately read the signals we are sending, and those we are receiving in order to have more satisfying encounters with people. Whether it is in business or in your personal life, you have a power of attraction. You just need to learn how to use it to attract what you really want.
Do you want some help with sending the right signals? We recently taught a course called The Power of Attraction. The focus was on helping participants learn a set of skills to increase their personal magnetism in all areas of their life. It was amazing to see how with a little bit of understanding of what and how we communicate, even life-long patterns of interaction can be altered.
If you want to start practicing on your own, the first thing to do is increase your powers of observation. You must become more objective about your own signals. The first piece of data you need to pay attention to is not usually pretty, It is not always easy to realize that you are sending mixed messages. But if you are honest, and observe the results you are getting, you will start to be able to change your strategy. If you are often in social situations, such as a gathering, and nobody ever smiles, or approaches, or speaks to you, you have to be honest with yourself. You are probably not sending signals that let women know it is safe to approach and that you want to connect.
Next you need to begin to accurately observe others who are having success. What are they doing that gets them the results they are getting? Are they smiling warmly, and without lewd glances? Watch carefully, until you can begin to identify the behaviors that are creating the results you would like to have. Use them as role models for behavior that you can adapt for yourself.
The more you practice objective observation the better you become at seeing what is really happening. This may seem like learning to speak a foreign language at first, but the truth is it’s simpler than you think. There are just a handful of methods we have of signaling. For example, how do you use your eyes? Are you connecting by allowing yourself to look directly at someone for more than three seconds? (Caution: extended eye contact will be seen as a sexual signal).
Or is your lingering glance intimidating, inappropriate for the women you are interested in? Your eyes and how you use them are a key factor in your success with sending women the right signals.
What about your body language? Is it safe and inviting? Or threatening, or even projecting fear? Your words, your tone of voice, do they lure the listener in closer? Your mood, which is a reflection of your energy and intention, are they sending a clear message, or one that is tangled beyond recognition?
If you are not getting the responses you want, you can be sure you are not sending women the right signals they feel comfortable receiving. If your attention is all on what you want, they will smell that and be repelled. Put your attention on her, and what makes her feel comfortable enough to respond to you. In short, put your attention on what she want, not on what you want from them.
Begin to pay attention to your own signals, and especially those of others who can be good role models in this area. You would be surprised at how fast you can learn to send women the right signals, the ones that you want to send. The ones that get the response you are seeking!
Photo Credit Bryan Lowe
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