Kissing is a natural and intimate act. It creates a sense of deep connection, but it is often under explored as a means of pleasure and communication.
We have all gotten the peck that had no feeling, and left us feeling cold.
Healthy relationships need to be cultivated and tended just like a garden. One way to make sure you and your partner feel you are connecting at a deep level is to take at least ten seconds a day to really connect through kissing. This doesn’t always have to be kissing that is part of sex or even leading to sex, although that is fine also.
Think of kissing as your connection to romantic feelings. Kissing connects more than our mouths, it connects our hearts and minds, if it is done with a certain presence and focus on the other person.
If the passion has waned in your relationship, you can resurrect it with this kissing advice. As we said to a client recently: “Turn off the TV and turn on your husband!” So before you head to the divorce lawyers, you can be your own 911 of love, with a little bit of emergency mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Take the time to really explore how your partner likes to be kissed. Not just a quick one-second kiss. This is therapeutic connection, talking with out words.
The good news is that even if it feels like your passion is “broken” it can be repaired. This is even true after years or decades of spark-less marriages. There is no magic wand to wave to bring it back, but there are some actions you can take to make your love life sizzle once again. Longer kissing moments can help rekindle passion.
Basic Principles of Kissing
Let’s start with a few simple basic principles of good kissing advice. Many people believe that attraction is something that just happens. They view attraction as a “chemistry” that takes them over.
The truth is that as human beings we are not quite that passive when it comes to our basic responses. Believe it or not you have a choice about how you feel towards another person.
Have you ever felt attracted to someone, then decided you didn’t like them and the attraction went away? Have you ever met someone who you were not attracted to at first, and then became attracted to them once you got to know them?
The point here is that attractions do change. They are like any other feeling, they come and go. So the trick is to learn how to keep the fires burning in your long-term relationship.
Kissing Advice Tip # 1 – Action leads to Attraction
The secret is simple. Take action! Action leads to attraction. If you really act as if you are turned on by your partner, you will start to actually feel turned on. The mind is the most amazing organ of response. And if you start acting as if your partner was attractive to you, they will feel more attractive to themselves and to you.
Longer kissing moments lead to feelings of rekindled attraction in a way that quick pecks just don’t.
Cary Grant was once asked how he developed his charmingly irresistible personality. He said that when he was a gawky teenager he began to envision himself as a wildly attractive ladies’ man. After a while he couldn’t tell which was the fantasy image in his mind and which was the real one. He grew into his image of himself.
This can be true of your partner too. If you continue to see them as sexy and attractive, and act as if they were, they will become so in your mind (and body!)
When we had a radio show called LOVE LIFE, we interviewed Dr. Ellen Kreidman, who is the author of a book called The Ten Second Kiss. She believes that in order to revitalize and maintain a passionate love life in a long-term relationship, you need to do what you did naturally when you were courting. In her kissing advice, she recommends that every day you grab your partner and give them a ten second kiss!
We are not talking about a sweet peck on the cheek or lips. We are talking about ten seconds of real (you know what I mean) kissing! Watch this fun You Tube on some memorable moments of kissing, and notice how the partners create and maintain a long sense of connection.
Tip # 2 – You are the one who should start the passion!
The couple that plays together, as the couples do in those film examples, stays together. If you are wondering who should be the one to start this “revitalization plan,” the answer is -- if you are reading this -- then you are the one who should begin!
Now, chances are that if the passion has gone out of the relationship there are underlying communication issues that are also suffering. You may need counseling to get your relationship back on track. But here is our “take two and call me in the morning” advice: Do the Ten Second Kiss every day.
Tip # 3 – Do the Ten Second Kiss Everyday
When you were courting you probably kissed as those couples did on film. Why did you stop? Actually, it doesn’t matter why, just start again! Today is a new day and your passion and feelings of intimate connection can be re-started! Often we have that old Catch 22 problem in long-term relationships that have lost their lust-er: He doesn’t want to be romantic, and meet her needs for romance, because she is not giving him what he needs sexually. She doesn’t want to give sexually because he doesn’t meet her romantic and sensual needs.
In this situation you have two choices. Either continue in the same rut, or do something different! If you act the same, you will get the same results. If you act differently, guaranteed you will get different results.
Our best kissing advice is to try the Ten Second Kiss every day. Be consistent! The relationship didn’t get off track in one week, and it will take more than one week to revive it. But if you start today, and continue consistently for 30 days, you just might have a miracle on your hands. You just might find yourselves having a second honeymoon.
We wish you good loving! What's Your KIssing Advice? Let others know...see below.
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