Kissing is a natural and intimate act. It creates a sense of deep
connection, but it is often under explored as a means of pleasure and
We have all gotten the peck that had no feeling, and left us feeling cold.
Healthy relationships need to be cultivated and tended just like a
garden. One way to make sure you and your partner feel you are
connecting at a deep level is to take at least ten seconds a day to
really connect through kissing. This doesn’t always have to be kissing
that is part of sex or even leading to sex, although that is fine also.
Think of kissing as your connection to romantic feelings.
Kissing connects more than our mouths, it connects our hearts and minds, if it is done with a certain presence and focus on the other person.
If the passion has waned in your relationship, you can resurrect
it with this kissing advice. As we said to a client recently: “Turn
off the TV and turn on your husband!" So before you head to the divorce
lawyers, you can be your own 911 of love, with a little bit of
emergency mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Take the time to really explore
how your partner likes to be kissed. Not just a quick one-second kiss. This is therapeutic connection, talking with out words.
The good news is that even if it feels like your passion is
“broken" it can be repaired. This is even true after years or decades
of spark-less marriages. There is no magic wand to wave to bring it
back, but there are some actions you can take to make your love life
sizzle once again. Longer kissing moments can help rekindle passion.
Basic Principles of Kissing
Let’s start with a few simple basic principles of good kissing
advice. Many people believe that attraction is something that just
happens. They view attraction as a “chemistry" that takes them over.
The truth is that as human beings we are not quite that passive
when it comes to our basic responses. Believe it or not you have a
choice about how you feel towards another person.
Have you ever felt attracted to someone, then decided you didn’t
like them and the attraction went away? Have you ever met someone who
you were not attracted to at first, and then became attracted to them
once you got to know them?
The point here is that attractions do change. They are like any
other feeling, they come and go. So the trick is to learn how to keep
the fires burning in your long-term relationship.
Kissing Advice Tip # 1 – Action leads to Attraction
The secret is simple. Take action! Action leads to attraction. If
you really act as if you are turned on by your partner, you will start
to actually feel turned on. The mind is the most amazing organ of
response. And if you start acting as if your partner was attractive to
you, they will feel more attractive to themselves and to you.
Longer kissing moments lead to feelings of rekindled attraction in a way that quick pecks just don’t.
Cary Grant was once asked how he developed his charmingly
irresistible personality. He said that when he was a gawky teenager he
began to envision himself as a wildly attractive ladies’ man. After a
while he couldn’t tell which was the fantasy image in his mind and which
was the real one. He grew into his image of himself.
This can be true of your partner too. If you continue to see
them as sexy and attractive, and act as if they were, they will become
so in your mind (and body!)
When we had a radio show called LOVE LIFE, we interviewed Dr. Ellen Kreidman, who is the author of a book called The Ten Second Kiss.
She believes that in order to revitalize and maintain a passionate
love life in a long-term relationship, you need to do what you did
naturally when you were courting. In her kissing advice, she recommends
that every day you grab your partner and give them a ten second kiss!
We are not talking about a sweet peck on the cheek or lips. We
are talking about ten seconds of real (you know what I mean) kissing!
Watch this fun You Tube on some memorable moments of kissing, and notice
how the partners create and maintain a long sense of connection.
Tip # 2 – You are the one who should start the passion!
The couple that plays together, as the couples do in those film
examples, stays together. If you are wondering who should be the one to
start this “revitalization plan," the answer is -- if you are reading
this -- then you are the one who should begin!
Now, chances are that if the passion has gone out of the
relationship there are underlying communication issues that are also
suffering. You may need counseling to get your relationship back on
track. But here is our “take two and call me in the morning" advice: Do the Ten Second Kiss every day.
Tip # 3 – Do the Ten Second Kiss Everyday
When you were courting you probably kissed as those couples did on
film. Why did you stop? Actually, it doesn’t matter why, just start
again! Today is a new day and your passion and feelings of intimate
connection can be re-started!
Often we have that old Catch 22 problem in long-term relationships that
have lost their lust-er: He doesn’t want to be romantic, and meet her
needs for romance, because she is not giving him what he needs sexually.
She doesn’t want to give sexually because he doesn’t meet her romantic
and sensual needs.
In this situation you have two choices. Either continue in the
same rut, or do something different! If you act the same, you will get
the same results. If you act differently, guaranteed you will get
Our best kissing advice is to try the Ten Second Kiss every day.
Be consistent! The relationship didn’t get off track in one week, and
it will take more than one week to revive it. But if you start today,
and continue consistently for 30 days, you just might have a miracle
on your hands. You just might find yourselves having a second
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