Signs of a bad relationship are clear as day! The question is – are your eyes open to see them?
f you are wondering if your relationship is healthy, you need to pay attention to some important warning signs of a bad relationship.
One area to explore is to see whether or not you are in a relationship with an “Emotional Vampire.” If you are, beware! Because this is a significant warning sign of a bad relationship!
Here’s how you begin to see if you are in love with a vampire. I’m not referring to the person who sleeps in a coffin. I’m talking about the kind of people who exhaust and drain you emotionally.
These people leave you feeling empty, or out of balance after you interact with them. If you notice that before the encounter with this person, you felt positive, happy and energized, and afterward you feel as if someone has just robbed you of your energy, you may be dealing with a person who is an “emotional vampire.”
They pull away your good energy in a variety of ways, usually without even realizing they are doing it. If the person in your life is an emotional vampire, it is a clear sign of a bad relationship.
Helaine Harris was a guest on my radio program LOVE LIFE. She
has written a book called “Are You in Love with a Vampire? – Healing the
Relationship Drain Game.” She speaks of four different types of energy
vampires and their vampiring characteristics. Does the person in your
love life fit any of these descriptions?
1) The Sexual Energy Vampire – this person pulls energy through the sexual act leaving you feeling drained, or used. Your heart is left empty and you feel more lonely than you felt before.
2) The Emotional Energy Vampire – these people get you to feel responsible for them. You have to make them feel better, or fix them, comfort them or make them feel safe. They often use guilt to keep you engaged with their needs.
3) The Mental Energy Vampire – often occurs at work. They have a way of making you feel inferior or stupid. They set you up to believe that they need your help, input or ideas, then, when you step up to the plate, they undermine your efforts. They question or judge everything that you do.
4) The Spiritual Energy Vampire – they attempt to undermine your personal connection to God. They undermine you, using threats or punishment. They constantly make you feel unsafe or on unsteady ground.
Here are some important signs of a bad relationship:
Are You Experiencing any or all of these Symptoms of Being in a Relationship with an Emotional Vampire?:
Emotional Vampires love power over others. This gives them the sense of vitality that they crave. They constantly attempt to control their partner’s behavior. To achieve this they may even become very helpful. Some even become caretakers in order to insure that they will be needed, and so that they can get the energy fix that they themselves need.
For the vampired, love becomes synonymous with being pulled on. To the victim it feels like love. But you have to ask yourself this: Is this really love, or fear of being alone?
Breaking the connection with the emotional vampire feels like death or annihilation. The terror of being lonely is at the heart of this dynamic for both the vampire and their partner. These underlying fears often create push/pull dynamics in the relationship, where love very quickly becomes hate. These are clear signs of a bad relationship. The games go back and forth as each alternately struggles to break free, and then to make the connection stronger than ever.
These back and forth conflicts can make you feel as if you were crazy. Remember, it’s the relationship dynamic that is crazy. You must begin the process of healing from these unhealthy patterns. All relationships, even ones involving emotional vampires, can be healed.
The first step is to recognize that you are dealing with a pattern that is not good for you. Once you see this, you are half way home. Next you must decide to break these patterns by not playing your side of the co-dependent game.
Realize that you can’t change the other person, but you do have control over your own behaviors and choices. You need to change first! This is how you begin to regain your power. Once you take charge of the relationship, the “drain game” begins to change.
If you are experiencing some of these signs of a bad relationship, remember that you deserve to have a healthy relationship that invigorates you. You deserve a partnership that sustains a positive sense of self. One that feels nourishing and uplifting.
Healthy partnerships support the best in both people. They never diminish each other's autonomy, or personal power. Even if you find yourself in a relationship that has vampirish tendencies, you may not necessarily need to change partners. But you definitely need to change the dynamics. So before you dump your partner, try changing the way you play the game!!
Good luck and good loving.
For information about 15, 30 or 60 minute phone or Skype counseling with Jon Terrell, MA, or Genie Joseph, MA go here.
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