Put the Passion Back!
If you are in a relationship with a stagnant or dormant sex life, or no
sex at all, you are not alone! Many couples who may appear totally fine
to the outside world, are having “sexual anorexia,” or the absence of
sex in their lives. This is more common than you think, but most people
don’t talk about it because they feel ashamed, as if they are doing
something wrong, and they feel powerless about how to get it back. They
have no clue how to have sex be a primary part of their relationship.
If there is no sex, or minimal sex, in your relationship, but it is
otherwise a loving and functional relationship, it is worth saving! It
takes work, and it also takes thinking outside the box to jump start
your passion again.
There are many reasons why couples slide into no sex routines. One of
the most common reasons for a lack of sex in relationships is fatigue.
Putting passion back into busy lives is getting to be a challenge when
many partners are working more hours than ever.
What’s good for
economic well-being may be disastrous for love lives.
The by-product of such busy-ness is often exhaustion, resentment
and -- in the bedroom, waning desire. The sad truth is that more and
more couples are sharing a bed, but no longer sharing their love.
Ambition, the desire to provide, job fulfillment are all
wonderful. And we certainly can’t get through life without producing an
income. But if this side of your life gets out of balance, and work
becomes the first priority in life, it can leave little energy left for
intimacy...it can lead to no sex. We see many couples who have found
themselves silently resigned to an ongoing avoidance of sex. When one
or both partners are chronically tired, sex in the relationship is often
the first thing to go.
Vince Lombardi, the football coach, said: "Fatigue makes cowards
of us all." If you are too tired, you are less likely to take emotional
risks in the relationship. You are more likely to "just let things go
as they are." When we are dating, one reason that the relationship is
passionate is that we take risks with each other. We try new things.
But when we are tired, we just don't "put out" that kind of effort.
"We just don't have time anymore," Trish complained, about their
two-career marriage. "Either he's exhausted, or I am." Greg echoes,
"We've been going on for so long like this, I just don't know how to get
back in the saddle again."
It's true. It isn't easy to make the kind of changes necessary
to put the passion back into a marriage or long-term partnership. But
the dangers of letting a relationship become passionless for too long
and having no sex can run the risk of everything from a lingering
feeling of emptiness -- to infidelity. If you care about your
relationship, start to do something about it now -- before you have to
call a divorce lawyer. Sex in a relationship is a kind of glue that
gives you the willingness to stick it out together. The good news is
its never too late to go from no sex to getting sex in your relationship
back on track.
Four Simple Steps To Regaining Passion in Your Relationship
1) TALK ABOUT IT!
Every sexual problem also has an underlying communication problem.
There’s something that isn’t being said – or isn’t being heard. Talking
about it brings it out into the open and begins to lift the tension.
You can deal with a problem that is known and visible. It is impossible
to solve a problem that nobody is even admitting exists. Talking about
the sex in your relationship, (or the lack of it) puts you both in the
same camp, and sets the stage for the possibility of solutions to no sex
or minimal sex.
2) MAKE PASSION A PRIORITY
Both partners must desire a turnaround in their relationship's sexual
stagnation. You can rekindle sex in your relationship if you decide to
be solution oriented, rather than sticking with your position about
what is wrong with your partner. Stop making it his or her fault.
Complaining doesn’t lead to passion. Only the willingness to feel
passion leads to more passion. Make a commitment to have some sensual
time each week, and stick to it no matter what. Money and other life
responsibilities are important, but so is your responsibility to love
and happiness. Making the decision to make passion a priority is the
first step to getting sex in relationships happening again.
3) MAKE A DATE FOR "SNUGGLES ONLY"
If you and your partner have been non-sexual for a long period of time,
you may have to ease back into sensuality. Making a date for sex can,
at first, feel too mechanical or intimidating. This pressure may cause
one or both of you to sabotage the effort to get sex back in the
relationship. Just make a date to snuggle. Be close and cuddle,
without any pressure to make love. Do not accept any outside
distractions for at least one hour. The goal or agenda is not to have
sex, but to have closeness! If sex happens, great! If not, the door is
beginning to open, allowing both of you to start feeling some of those
yummy feelings again.
4) VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE
Do something different!! Sex is not just a bedroom affair. Rent a
cheap motel room and pretend you just picked each other up -- or a fancy
honeymoon suite! Take a walk on the beach, or go to a scenic "make-out
spot" at night. Do it in the car! In a parking lot, a roof top.
“Newness” is an aphrodisiac for many people, and you need to create new
experiences and possibilities to get sex in relationships going again.
Break the pattern of “sense-less” routines by making out or making love
at any place that is different, romantic or exciting. Have some fun!!
(You know you want to.)
In every relationship there is a cost for doing nothing. Sex-starved
couples are heading for disaster. Seek counseling to deal with the
underlying causes of disconnection between you. It might be a little
outside your comfort zone at first, but the price for inaction is too
Take a risk! You deserve a sensually fulfilling life. Go and
re-discover it by beginning the process of exploration of what you both
need to get the passion back in your love lives. You deserve to have
healthy sex in your relationship!
Go from No Sex to Sex In Relationships
Go To Get Your Passion Back-Part II