Stop Obsessing And Start Living!

Your partner has moved on – but you haven’t.  You are spending too much time thinking about your ex., crying a lot ,  stewing over everything.  
It is time to stop obsessing.

If you are still putting all your emotional and mental eggs in that relationship, it feels terrible. If almost all your thoughts are about your ex, it can feel like your life force is going down the drain. This is obsession, when you can’t break loose mentally. 

To heal, you must break the cycle and stop obsessing. It is an unhealthy state of mind, where you are stuck and go over the same territory over and over.  It is wearing down the treads in your mind.  Obsessing over your ex can cause you to lose interest in other healthy activities and people.  It can keep you stuck emotionally, in anger, anxiety, helplessness and hopelessness.

Obsession Signs

  • You have persistent and disturbing thoughts about your ex
  • You have unreasonable expectations, such as hoping you will get back together, when your ex has made it clear that is not their desire or intention 
  • You find yourself taking actions that are not wise, or in your best interest, like trying to “accidentally meet" or repeated calling or texting that is not being returned

You have to decide to stop obsessing because it is unhealthy for you.


It is not “cute."  It is not romantic.  Obsession is not a sign of how much you love your ex.  It is a sign that you have gotten stuck in an unhealthy place inside your mind.  It will eat away at your self esteem and can lead to depression, poor sleeping patterns and unhealthy eating.

If you have been broken up for more than a month, and you are still spending a huge portion of your energy thinking about your ex, it is time to be honest and realize that you may be in an unhealthy mind state.

Stop Obsessing -- Four Steps to Getting Over Your Ex.

1. Admit you are obsessing. 

2. Recognize that this is not healthy for you.

3. Make a strong decision to let go and stop obsessing.Focus on what you can control.

4. Redirect negativity -- deliberately choose positive thoughts and actions.

Step One – Admit You Are Obsessing:  Your ex is called an ex, because it’s over.  You have to accept this, even if you still have desires to be together.  The sooner you can admit that it is over, the sooner you can begin to heal.  If your first and last thoughts every day are about your ex, and almost every thought in between, you are obsessing.  It is not helping you move forward, it is keeping you stuck in the past.

Step Two – Recognize It Is Not Healthy:  You have to really want to change and get better.  You have to let go.  No amount of hoping, musing, daydreaming, fantasizing, plotting, scheming – is going to bring your ex back.  The decision to let go is one you have to make many times a day.  It would be nice if you could just make it once and it would stick, but chances are you have to re-make that decision twenty or a hundred and twenty times in a day.

Step Three – STOP OBSESSING:  Instead of obsessing on the past, focus on the present.  Focus on what you can control.  Every little decision you consciously choose, such as what shirt to wear, what to eat, what music to listen to, can help get your attention on the present and on issues that you can control.  This may seem like a tiny, inconsequential action, but it redirects the brain toward this moment and away from the past.  Consciously choosing positive thoughts and actions begins to erode the cycle of obsession.

Step Four – Redirect: When you catch yourself thinking thoughts about your ex, you want to not indulge those thoughts.  You have to go on a “diet of the mind," and deliberately choose to put your attention elsewhere.  If you have ever done dog training, you know that sometimes the dog loses focus on the task at hand, and you have to gently redirect his attention back.  That is what you need to do when you find yourself spinning unproductive thoughts.  You need to deliberately, and without judgment or impatience, return to something that is useful, productive and positive.

Obsession is not good for your health.  It is unattractive to a new mate.  You want to stop obsessing and start living.  You will be free as soon as you decide you really want to be.

If you need help getting going, we offer coaching sessions to help you move in the right direction. See below.


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