Some people don’t realize how powerful words can be in attracting a partner or creating problem relationships. What this means is that the words we speak, and even those we think about frequently, can be a powerful force magnetizing those qualities towards us.
As the saying goes “What you think about, you bring about.” This is as true in love as it is in any area of your life. This is because words form mental pictures in your mind. These are like mental magnets, and your mind is drawn to those that are repeated often. So if you think happy thoughts you will naturally be drawn to happy experiences because words are powerful attractors.
If you want to build a happy, lasting relationship you want to take a good look at the words that are coming out of your mouth, and even the ones rattling around in your brain. If you are diligent about paying attention you will see a close correlation between what you think and speak about and what shows up in your life. Attracting a partner and the best relationship for you can hinge on the words you express and think!
To begin to understand what you are attracting through your repetitive use of certain phrases, look at the words going through your head, or out of your mouth. Do you feel that the script of your life has lines that you are often repeating? Do they sound something like this: "Men are always…." Or, "Women are always..." (fill in the blank according to your beliefs.) On our radio show, LOVE LIFE, on "Gripe Line" night we let people air their emotional laundry. That's when we heard a lot of these statements.
Glenda's verdict was: "Men are always insensitive!"
Bob responded by calling in and saying: "Women are always trying to get men to be something they're not."
Patricia complained: "Men are always treating me like a truck stop. They have their fun and then they hit the road!"
Patricia defended her position by saying that this happened to her over and over again. To which we responded: "If so many different men do the same thing to you, the one thing that isn't changing is you. How come you continually find and engage with men who aren't in it for the long haul?"
Patricia didn't have to think too hard to answer that one. Her father had left home when she was eight, and she watched her mother have a seemingly endless tour of short-term relationships. These words rumbled through her brain, usually at an unconscious level, yet they had a powerful attractive force, leading her like a homing pigeon to men who fit the mold of her “attractive” words. She just kept attracting the wrong men, but they were the “right match” to her words and thoughts.
Is there a moral to this sad tale? Yes, there is. If you find yourself making statements that begin with words like "Men always..." or "women never..." ask yourself, "Is there a pattern operating in me that I am not seeing? Why do I attract "Men who always.... (fill in your blank) Or "women who never...." Is this blocking me from attracting a partner for a long term relationship?
If you have a belief that generalizes like this, it means you have a mental pattern playing through your life. These attitudes are like mental broken records that keep you stuck in the same groove. They become "emotional magnets," attracting repetitive negative patterns in relationships, gaining power because they are familiar.
To build happy, lasting relationships and for attracting a partner you need to change your attractive words to ones that will draw to you the new qualities you are seeking, rather than negatively reinforcing through your words the qualities that you want to leave behind. Attracting a partner is directly related to how you use your mind!
We all know someone who changes partners frequently, but somehow creates the same relationship patterns again and again. Steve joined in our radio discussion agreeing with this idea and added his story.
"I could go to a party where I don't even know anyone and meet the one charismatic, starving artist type who is brilliant and talented and constantly in need of being rescued. One time I had just one date with this woman, only to have her move in two days later because her house burned to the ground."
If you keep meeting the same person wherever you go, it's a safe bet that it is you who needs to change a pattern. To return to Patricia for a moment, she realized that her lack of trust in men meant that she never trusted love. "But whenever I trust men, I always get hurt," she said. She was saying “I always get hurt…I always get hurt.” She didn’t realize that this was a form of magnetic attraction. Attracting a partner and building happy, lasting relationships begins with the words you think and speak.
There is a spiritual principle that has been spoken of by many teachers, called The Law of Attraction. A wonderful book by this title has been written by Jerry & Esther Hicks, and I highly recommend it. This principle states that our mental patterns are powerful attractors, thus we continue to attract what our pattern says is true.
For example, if you believe men are basically trustworthy, you meet men who are basically trustworthy. You just find that you are drawn to trustworthy types, and the others pass by your radar like blips in the night.
If, on the other hand, deep down inside you believe men are not trustworthy, you will end up putting your trust in the men who you can trust to let you down. In other words you will be attracted to the men who conform to your mental pictures and words.
The truth is that if we want to build happy, lasting relationships, it's not men, or women we need to put our trust in, it is the principle of love. Love is trustworthy. Individuals may or may not be. But you need to pay attention to which words are rumbling around in your brain: “I trust me,” or “I trust women.” Or “I don’t trust men/women.” Whichever has more gravitational pull for your belief system will be the one that shows up in your life. Your life is a fairly accurate manifestation of your thoughts, words and beliefs.
If you recognize that you may be running some negative thought pattern attractors, you can change your tune. It begins with understanding that thoughts are powerful, living energies – and they attract similar thought patterns. Change your thoughts, and you change the experiences that you attract.
What this means is that, if, for example, you want to attract more love in your life, start right now, even without a partner! Start by feeling loving feelings, anything you love: flowers, sunsets, pets, green-tea ice-cream, puppies, it doesn’t matter what you choose as long as putting your attention on these things puts you into a loving state or feeling. Once your heart is resonating with love, it easily and naturally attracts more.
It is one of the reasons why people in happy relationships are attractive. We are naturally attracted to the energy of love that they exude. You can use this to your advantage, even if you are single, by staying in thoughts of love, even when you do not yet have a partner in your life. This is like building your energetic “love muscle” through training your thoughts to attract what you want in your life, including attracting a partner!
If you are ready to advance past the puppies and rainbows stage, you can begin to love yourself, by sending yourself loving feelings and thoughts. If that is too tall an order, start by simply holding yourself in positive regard. Simple self-appreciation will keep you out of most abusive relationship traps. If you love yourself enough to not choose abusive relationships, your life becomes a lot more worthy of trust.
I invite you to take a look at some of your perhaps unspoken statements about men, women and relationships. If you can finish any of these statements: "Men are always...", "Woman are never..." , "Love always..." these are indicators that you have some preconceptions that cause patterns in your life that may be keeping you from having fulfilling relationships.
These generalizations are a block to building happy, lasting relationships because they keep you locked into a specific pattern. Those self-defeating perceptions and phrases will be attracting just what they say. But if we recognize and heal our own attitudes about love, attracting a partner who lasts becomes a lot easier.
Explore and release your restrictive beliefs about men and women. A few moments of honest self-examination can reveal how your attitudes are showing up in your life. Then you can get busy changing what you are attracting and begin attracting a partner that fits you.
It is incredibly liberating to free yourself once and for all from confining attitudes about the opposite sex. Then you won't have to spend your life filled with these self-fulfilling prophecies. The secret to building happy, lasting relationships is in the attractive power of your words.
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